The Smoking Monkey of Destruction

Almost from the day he was born, Akunin was training to be a leader. While much of his former life is shadowed in mystery, it is known that Akunin graduated summa cum laude from Yale School of Management in 1963, after which he was recruited by one of Evil Ninja International's many subsidiaries.

Showing natural leadership skills, uncanny business acumen and a strange knack for hiding from his superiors, Akunin was marked for advancement into the Evil Ninja rank-and-file. He eventually rebelled, chafing against the anonymity and blind obedience that was required of him as a kagemusha.

Fleeing Evil Ninja International's broad network of spies, he fled to the only place where our reach did not extend: the semi-mythical Valley of the Smoking Monkeys (this problem has since been corrected, and the Valley is under 24-hour surveillance). There he spent many years, living among the monkeys, learning their ways, and hiding from Jane Goodall.

After decades had passed, Akunin reappeared one day at a ninja training camp clad only in a wooden monkey mask and a fez. Recognizing this once-escaped ninja from all the fliers that were circulated so many years ago, the camp's master brought Akunin to Evil Ninja International's corporate headquarters for observation. The management at the time immediately recognized the stranger's potential, and gave him the a seat on the board of directors.

In the years that followed, Akunin was instrumental in steering Evil Ninja International through tough situations and lean quarters. It was not long before he was promoted to Senior Vice President, and was finally named CEO in 2000 after the previous chairman, Meshitsukai Dorei, was found mysteriously butchered, cremated and placed in small ceramic pots at strategic points around Osaka.

Since then, Akunin has proven himself a model CEO, offering profit-sharing programs, ordering the creation of Evilninja.net, and raiding employee 401(k) accounts to pay for expensive hats. He is active in Shriners, Kiwanis and Rotary, and is an extremely dangerous fixture at many high-profile charity events, where he can usually be seen hiding in the rafters.